the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
