You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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