Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
