he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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