He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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