Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
