I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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