so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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