No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Someone came in the potted fern
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
