Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
