Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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