my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
