He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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