i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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