I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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