You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
