Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
