I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
