I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
