im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
