so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There's always time for handjobs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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