Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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