I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
