I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize