i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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