I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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