Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
