Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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