what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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