Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
