I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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