I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everyone says I win the strip club
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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