I showed him my bush... on skype.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
