I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
