I want to stick my p in your. b.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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