i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
