I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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