I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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