So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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