I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
too bad you live with your parents still
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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