I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
