he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
