Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
