i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
