Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
