you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
