sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
