another moral hangover. fuck.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
