Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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