so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Vodka?
Forever.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
