Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize