At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
