im drinking this country out of the recession.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
