the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
