so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
