I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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