Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
