Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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