She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
