there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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