saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The beer is more important than you right now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
