u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
as a side note pls kill me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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