the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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