Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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