I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
