i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
