remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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