It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
