Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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