I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
