i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
