We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
