i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
