She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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