you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize