I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I think your dad took our porno
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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