I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
