just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
