True but thats because hes a fetus.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
