Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
did i walk over a car last night?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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