They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
