you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
