well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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