First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
