She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
two words: eviction party
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
