Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
