I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
