Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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