So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
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