dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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