He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
