Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The air taste purple.
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