I wanna passion pit in your ass
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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