a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
