do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
