I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize