I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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